The Oh So Rich & Pompous Iyer Wedding!!

Weddings are more often than not the union of two families than just two individuals. I was witness to a typical Iyer wedding being conducted in the posh suburbs of Mumbai. It must have all started in the usual way. As soon as the girl and boy give their nod about exchanging the nuptial vows, parents on both sides start making preparations from the very next minute. Calls are made to the near and dear ones. If the girl & boy are from the same city then there are an increased number of visits on both sides so that the uncles and aunts may also get to interact with the girl and boy. The other distant relatives may probably get a glimpse at someone else’s marriage ceremony where the couple gets introduced as the ‘next-in-line’ couple.

As bookings for the marriage hall, music troupe, food caterers etc are made there are 2 souls amidst all this oblivious to whatever is happening around them. They have created a world of their own. In between phone calls, secret visits and glances exchanged, they have created a secret world around themselves. The whole world looks so rosy; everything tastes good, between one date and another a year seems to have passed. In the meantime, the parents on both sides leave no stone unturned to ensure that the wedding is a huge success. They ensure everything is perfect enough for the bride and groom to feel it is a dream come true. The near and dear blood relations too ensure that they help in whatever way possible.

Marriage in itself is not just the 2-day affair that everyone witnesses. It probably takes months or even years for an alliance to get fixed. Imagine the turmoil that goes into all the pomp and splendour. In spite of all this, there still are some relatives who keep complaining or bickering for some reason or the other. They neither extend any help themselves nor do they let others help. They simply wait with folded hands for the D Day, attend the rituals all decked up, eat and leave without being bothered no matter what happens.

And as I was sitting there in the audience on the D Day, I was feeling nostalgic as moments of my wedding came alive before my eyes. I was trying to relate myself to the girl sitting there, all decked up, ready to take the wedding vows. Because of late I have noticed that unlike me there are hardly any girls who cry during their marriage. But at last I found my clone in the bride sitting there in the ‘mandap’. As she sat in her father’s lap and she was ‘given away’ in marriage, slokas in Sanskrit were being read out, and water was being poured over the hands of the father, bride and the groom by the mother, the feeling sunk in. The feeling of being ‘given away’ and that the girl no longer remains just a daughter; the feeling of no longer being in the warm care of one’s own family sent a chill down the girl’s spine. And all this sorrow engulfed her completely. The parents watched as silent spectators and they too were engulfed in sorrow. I realized that this is not sorrow in its literal sense, but that of happiness of starting a new life. But at that moment, time froze as the bride’s brother was inconsolable as he stood there watching his dear kid sister being married away.

I took a glance around myself at the audience and noticed that apart from the ones closely involved, the audience comprised of guests mostly who were least bothered about what was happening on the ‘mandap’. Some were busy discussing each other’s jewels and sarees, some were complaining of how a relative had just ignored them, some other elderly guests were miffed at not being given due respect, and many others who just sat there watching as if they were just watching a documentary film!!! And this was the rich and pompous Iyer wedding, like most other weddings, where money is spent on nothingness just to satisfy some insatiable guests!!! No matter how pompous a wedding is, satisfying everyone will never be possible. And all this turmoil for the parents!!!