Bliss

Bliss is when after a tiring day waiting 30 minutes in the snow for the bus with -12 degree Celsius temperature you are fighting a bad temper and frozen numb feet, your bus finally arrives and then your favourite music starts playing on the ipod; slowly starting to calm your nerves without you being aware and by the end of the song you start tapping your feet and half dancing in a crowded bus with no cares in the world....that is true bliss!!

SMILE!


This morning on the subway, a woman I see everyday got off at a station, but within seconds came running back to board the train again. She had this big embarrassed smile on her face, she had realized that she got off at the wrong station and realized only after she got off!!

Having started off the day with a grumpy mood, something as simple as this made me smile!!

Qurum Heights Road (Muscat) to 16th Avenue (Toronto)

It's the usual route we take every day, Qurum Heights Road each day every way.

Blistering heat outside, but cool airconditioning inside.

Towering rocky mountains on one side, and pristine white buildings dotted on the other side.

Chatting with friends on bluetooth and 95.9 Hi-Fm keeping us company.

Gradually Qurum Heights Road becomes 16th Avenue.

rocky mountains - green fields
round-abouts - intersections
brown scapes - lakes
bored camels - healthy horses
dry wadis - brimming lakes
Carrefour - Walmart

The journey from Qurum Heights Road to 16th Avenue is made. But the heart clings on forever and ever to the brown scapes...

Droplets...

Rain drops sliding down my window pane,

Nostalgic mood,

Mug of hot chocolate,

Legs curled under a blanket,

Comfortably tucked into the couch,

Snuggled in an embrace,

Old hindi songs playing softly,

So much to talk about,

And still nothing to discuss...

Rain drops sliding down my window pane.......

Raavanan

Usure Pogudhey.......

Adi Thaeku Mara kaadu Perusuthaan

Chinna Theekuchi Osaram Sirusuthaan

Oru Theekuchi Vizhunthu Pudikuthadi

Karunthaekumara Kaadu Vedikuthadi

Usure Pogudhey.......

 

Akkarai Cheemaiyil Nee Irunthum

Aiviral Theendida Nenaikuthadi

Agini Pazhamunu Therinjirunthum

Adikadi Naaku Thudikuthadi.............

Yetta Irukum Suriyan Parthu Mottu Virikidhu Thamarai

Thottu Vidatha Dooram Irunthum Sontham Banthamo Pogala...........

En Kattaium Oru Naal Saayalam

En Kannula Un Mugam Pogumaa

Naan Mannukulla un Ninapu Manasukulla............

usure poguthey usure poguthey ............

 

Rahman & Vairamuthu,

let me move on to some other song please........

you are making it impossible though !!!

In the true sense, "Usure pogudhey................."

Vision

I had a vision,

vision of a friend, a companion.

He who holds my hand,

and guides me through the winding lanes of life.

He who chides me,

chides me for my follies.

He who listens to me,

listens patiently to all I have to say.

He who cares for me,

cares like I'm his child.

He who owns me,

owns me with all his love.

He who treasures me,

treasures me like I'm his rare gift.

He who ignores me,

ignores me like I'm his own self.

He who is himself,

like he is with no one else.

All this and so much more,

I found in you dear stranger.

Stranger when you walked into my life,

like an alien out from my dreams.

Slowly the alien evolved,

evolved to become the reality of my vision.

Now you are my habit,

a habit I can't shirk off.

Now I'm your secret,

a secret you wouldn't share.

Now you are my self,

a self that reflects me.

Now I'm your shield,

a shield as good as your skin.

Stay my angel dear,

forever with me this way,

Heaven is near,

if you guide me all this way.

Lifeline...

The waves seem restless as they splash around,

the warm evening with a mild breeze,

children enjoying a game of football,

passers-by taking a walk along the shore,

and oblivious amongst all this,

as we are lost in our own world,

your words of wisdom enthrall me,

your talk so confident,

your attitude inspiring,

how you speak so wisely,

would you be my father,

or would you be my brother,

or would you be my mentor,

or better still would you be my life partner...

Sleepy Blessing!!

One by one inert they become,

the lids shut tight,

the thoughts wander away,

clouds of feather below me they sink,

moments of the day pass by once again,

sounds around become murmurs,

sinking softly.....further and further,

floating in my thoughts,

and feeling the lull,

away I drift,

and softly I fall,

in the lap of tranquil,

unaware of all...

Intoxication

As sleep intoxicates the brain, 

wings of the mind flap to a stop, 

eyelids as heavy as lead, 

and legs halt to a stop...

Crux of Life

Raindrops sliding down the window pane, 

driving down a long lane, 

lilting music in the air, 

every being in a pair, 

where do i go, 

what do i do, 

my end matters not, 

but journey matters a lot...

Musical water

How does it feel after all? The sound of water splashing against rocks or the shore gives different feelings to different people. It makes some feel restless, and some others calm and peaceful. Yesterday once again, my encounter was with this feeling again, of peace and calm. Friends and family stood in the background enjoying with the kids while I drifted away from them and stood by the shore simply listening to the sound of water. The scenic beauty was so marvelous, my camera couldn't capture it no matter how hard I tried. God made nature so beautiful, and man invented the camera to capture it. But what is beauty if it can be captured in a frame. Nature's beauty cannot be recreated in any form.

As I stood there watching and drinking in the beauty, the sounds in the background faded away, watching passers-by were no longer visible to me. Just nature and myself, staring at each other...

Far from the madding crowd...

Sure as cliched as it sounds, what do I do to be far from the madding crowd?? 

Lonely moments spent while my better half is not around and when silence is music to my ears. 

Waking up to a silent morning, 

the feel of warm feet on the cold hearth, 

the rays filtering through the half-shut window, 

the sound of sizzling tea on the gas burner, 

a soothing hot shower, 

a hot cup of tea in the cold room with my legs curled beneath me, 

tv in the background, 

attention drifting away unaware of what's on the television screen, 

imagination of what the palate wants, 

running to the pantry mid-way to check my stock, 

spending endless minutes in front of the open pantry gazing and cooking in my head recipes long lost...

having a lazy brunch,

eating half-minded,

impatiently waiting to dig for dessert in the fridge,

dozing off watching tv,

but still cuddled in the couch,

finally jumping into bed uncontrollably,

waking up late evening abruptly with the ringing of the phone,

waking up into full reality with the better half on the other end,

sitting half-mindedly in the couch happily recalling the conversation,

leaning on the kitchen counter watching over the sizzling tea-pot,

planning a solitary evening walk,

thinking of excuses to take a walk,

listing unwanted things as must buy,

so as to take a solitary walk down the road,

feeling of fulfillment on reaching home after 'the walk',

eating an unwanted dinner,

lazing on the couch till late night,

finally going off to sleep,

with a sense of fulfilment...

Lazy Afternoons....

Warm sunshine, and lazy afternoons,

Beloved by my side, and on my lips a tune.

The smell of sunshine, with breeze in my hair,

The world far behind, and music in the air.

Memories fading away, the beckon of nature,

The birds far away, chirping so pure.

Heaven is here, with blessing in guise,

Bliss is near, with every sunrise.

Cravings

How strong could a craving be? If we wish for something with complete heart and soul, does the dream really come true? I hope and believe that it does. A few days back we were watching Taare Zameen Par.. No words to describe how good the movie is. Scenes of the painting competition at the end of the movie brought back memories of my childhood. Hours on end spent poring over painting on fabric or glass or canvas. How I long for those days of complete solitude, completely oblivious to the world outside, shielded from the worries of the world being innocently ignorant.

The world of colour beckons me loud and strong, but the burden of worldly responsibilities keeps me away...!!!

My Ventures

Ventures in Jewellery Making

Some of my ventures in hand embroidery.

The Common Area

Of late, my evening strolls have become more vigorous with intentions of shedding some extra kilos. But as I go for my regular walks, I observe around me, activities in the common area which is the garden. Currently this garden is being renovated so it is far dustier than it usually is. As I walk, I get a lot of time to observe and ponder over things. With kids playing in the play area, my attention gets diverted as at times I feel, some parents are not careful enough when kids are playing on one of the swings or climbing up ladders. These tiny tots can easily fall through the steps of these ladders and sometimes I freeze on the spot looking at these kids precariously holding onto the side railing.

There are a dozen new born puppies running around. I often wonder whether the puppies are more scared of the kids or it is the other way round. The puppies’ tails sticking vertically above them, and making it quiver as they prance around. When I look around I sometimes find an irregular shaped stone lying in the pathway, and only when I near it I realize it is actually 2 puppies huddled together. I have always had a soft corner for dogs and I would really like to hold one of these puppies close to me and stroke it, but refrain from doing so for fear of stray dogs.

Old men and women sitting together in large groups in the same area of the garden, singing bhajans, or discussing sweet nothings, at times just staring into the vast darkness. It often makes me wonder about old age; to have all the sensual faculties functioning properly but still being unable to perform the physical duties that the brain commands, to have so much of free time and still have nothing to do. If there are grandchildren in the house, then of course time flies past. On the other end of the garden there would be some young lovers sitting huddled together, oblivious to the world around them. A few feet away sometimes there would be some friends sitting together deeply engrossed in their conversations about school or other friends.

Many a times my speed gets slacked down with elder people walking slowly in front of me, or some teenage boys deliberately blocking the way. But this garden, this common area is still my favourite walking ground. No matter what the purpose, or caste, or creed, or age, the same common people gather every evening. This ground which is earmarked with a specific purpose serves as a catalyst for many-a-discussions. For some it just gives them space to spend some time with nature and with music in their ears (thanks to the mp3 players). For others it gives them privacy to meet far away from the prying eyes of friends and relatives. But no matter what the environment is, this common area gives me time away from home to spend time with myself.

My World is Full of Colour

I am still busy packing my bags and each time I empty my cupboard, I unearth some old treasure. Yesterday it was the numerous cards exchanged between my husband and myself. Today I unearthed my old painting brushes, my paints and drawing book. A bright smile flashed across my face instantaneously.

Before marriage all I could think of was paints, music and poetry. Each and every moment spent at home would be in the company of music and colours. Sometimes hours of painful involvement would result in a decent work of art. I still remember my first big attempt on a glass painting. It turned out to be a favourite of one of my uncles who later on became the proud owner.

My love of painting started in school as a child. The encouragement of my parents took me to many competitions. I still remember one such competition in which my father had later on pointed out to me that I was progressing pretty well but later on spoilt it while outlining the picture. My mother herself being an ardent lover of art passed on her huge collection of paints to me, and this I had in my possession for many years to follow.

Painting led me to try my hand at sketching. And during school days who else would have been better to experiment than my favourite Bollywood actress? I remember spending hours during study huors trying to get her perfect portrait. I had even smuggled it to school to 'show off' to my friends. They loved it but insisted that I should make the shading darker as my pencil strokes were very light. And indeed that's what I readily did but ended up spoiling it.

In school I had an opportunity to submit a sketch of our Mother Superior, but I withdrew during the last moment as I felt my dear friend, who too was participating was far too good for me to compete. Moreover she was learning painting and sketching methodically. I had always marvelled at her brush strokes and her sketches. In fact I remember visiting her house often to just take a glimpse at her work of art.

After marriage, for some reason I stacked away all my paints. It is not that I didn't have the urge to paint and create, but the kind of freedom that one enjoys as a girl is different from that of the responsibilities of a wife. But today these treasures are back in my hands and ready to be utilised at the other end of my journey.

The Flight of Life

Today as I look back I feel it all started 8 years ago in 2000. From the time I left my hometown in Kolkata, I have been travelling constantly. At one point of time, this is what I had wanted, but with time when my travel schedules started becoming more frequent, all I wanted was to stay.

It seems as if no city or country wants to keep us for more than 2 years. In the past 8 years, I could say I've almost been living out my my suitcase. Education took me to one city, then marriage took me to another and all the other changes were due to the change in my spouse's employment. First the feeling of excitement and the possibility of exploring newer avenues lured me. Then a sense of apprehension sunk in, apprehension of a new job, of a new environment, a new house etc.

Now when I am once again getting ready to move to different destination, I feel bitter at having to let go of many a prized possession. Right from an embroidery pattern, an article, a favourite pouch, photograph collection of old memories, or some old greeting cards, to a recipe book. These prized possessions do not have any space in my luggage. Especially with the weight (of luggage) restrictions to each country, there are many such treasures which I have to let go. And that is when I start hating transitions.

Nothing in life is constant. So now my brain tells me only one thing, whether it is joy or sorrow, the moment will pass. The intensityof today's joy or sorrow will be lesser tomorrow. And things that I hold on to today, and that which seem precious, will seem unimportant and petty tomorrow when they have to be thrown away due to a necessity. Friends whom I cling on to today may seem far away tomorrow when we are miles apart. Nothing is constant, and now as I realize this, I try lesser and lesser to hold on. I have learnt to let go. Let go of the memories if they are not helpful in any way, let go of the emotions that tell you to hold on to a pen that doesn't function, a broken curio, or a useless jacket, things that have been treasured because it was a brother's gift, or fiance's first gift. None of this matters. I realize more and more that the person himself or herself matter and not the petty things that are exchanged. Many a times we ignore human beings and neglect them, but hold on to their things when they are no longer near us.

When we travel, it is more important to imbibe the good things in our memory and action than just blindly collect curios. The beauty of each city needs to be registered in the mind. But easier said than done. It is human tendency to want to own anything that is beautiful. Now as I ready myself for my next destination, I hope I will be able to safely let go of my emotional baggage and look forward to a new life once again. And after some time, the flight of life will resume once more.

The Oh So Rich & Pompous Iyer Wedding!!

Weddings are more often than not the union of two families than just two individuals. I was witness to a typical Iyer wedding being conducted in the posh suburbs of Mumbai. It must have all started in the usual way. As soon as the girl and boy give their nod about exchanging the nuptial vows, parents on both sides start making preparations from the very next minute. Calls are made to the near and dear ones. If the girl & boy are from the same city then there are an increased number of visits on both sides so that the uncles and aunts may also get to interact with the girl and boy. The other distant relatives may probably get a glimpse at someone else’s marriage ceremony where the couple gets introduced as the ‘next-in-line’ couple.

As bookings for the marriage hall, music troupe, food caterers etc are made there are 2 souls amidst all this oblivious to whatever is happening around them. They have created a world of their own. In between phone calls, secret visits and glances exchanged, they have created a secret world around themselves. The whole world looks so rosy; everything tastes good, between one date and another a year seems to have passed. In the meantime, the parents on both sides leave no stone unturned to ensure that the wedding is a huge success. They ensure everything is perfect enough for the bride and groom to feel it is a dream come true. The near and dear blood relations too ensure that they help in whatever way possible.

Marriage in itself is not just the 2-day affair that everyone witnesses. It probably takes months or even years for an alliance to get fixed. Imagine the turmoil that goes into all the pomp and splendour. In spite of all this, there still are some relatives who keep complaining or bickering for some reason or the other. They neither extend any help themselves nor do they let others help. They simply wait with folded hands for the D Day, attend the rituals all decked up, eat and leave without being bothered no matter what happens.

And as I was sitting there in the audience on the D Day, I was feeling nostalgic as moments of my wedding came alive before my eyes. I was trying to relate myself to the girl sitting there, all decked up, ready to take the wedding vows. Because of late I have noticed that unlike me there are hardly any girls who cry during their marriage. But at last I found my clone in the bride sitting there in the ‘mandap’. As she sat in her father’s lap and she was ‘given away’ in marriage, slokas in Sanskrit were being read out, and water was being poured over the hands of the father, bride and the groom by the mother, the feeling sunk in. The feeling of being ‘given away’ and that the girl no longer remains just a daughter; the feeling of no longer being in the warm care of one’s own family sent a chill down the girl’s spine. And all this sorrow engulfed her completely. The parents watched as silent spectators and they too were engulfed in sorrow. I realized that this is not sorrow in its literal sense, but that of happiness of starting a new life. But at that moment, time froze as the bride’s brother was inconsolable as he stood there watching his dear kid sister being married away.

I took a glance around myself at the audience and noticed that apart from the ones closely involved, the audience comprised of guests mostly who were least bothered about what was happening on the ‘mandap’. Some were busy discussing each other’s jewels and sarees, some were complaining of how a relative had just ignored them, some other elderly guests were miffed at not being given due respect, and many others who just sat there watching as if they were just watching a documentary film!!! And this was the rich and pompous Iyer wedding, like most other weddings, where money is spent on nothingness just to satisfy some insatiable guests!!! No matter how pompous a wedding is, satisfying everyone will never be possible. And all this turmoil for the parents!!!

I am a product of Chance

Today as I donne my thinking cap once again, I realize I am but a product of chance. It is by chance that I was formed. An egg released in a particular month, fertilized by chance withing the crucial period of 24 hours, and that formed a lump of cells. It is by chance that the organizer of the cells placed my organs in perfect form. And it is by chance that my features were placed in the right symmetry on my face. Human beings are in fact a product of fate. Human creations are in fact works of wonder. It is marvelous how innumerable cells cling together and form a certain shape. Our bodies cannot control the tiny growth within us, no one can for that matter. It is all just chance.

It is by chance how the driver of a car survives while his fellow passengers don't. Can chance be termed as luck? What is the force which controls us and decides the degree of our chance? What are the chances that when I slid off a bike in motion, I only fracture my fingers and not my hand? Birth, marriage, death, chance meeting of individuals, finding one's soulmate through marriage or surviving an accident by a fraction of a second, all this and much more, none of it is under man's control.

Everything that happens to us and around us happens for a reason. And these reasons are governed by a very powerful force. No one knows what this force is. It may be called chance, it may be termed luck, destiny, God's will, coincidence or just about anything. I am a supporter of both the cosmic forces as well as science. But both put together cannot explain why something happens the way it does. Man has indeed made great discoveries and inventions. He has been able to clone, been successful in controlling the time of birth to a certain extent, but he will never be able to master it. Chance or luck is something that will never be controlled. It is therefore chance that makes me what I am today, sitting here thinking the way I am, holding a pen, able to sit upright, able to feel and think, comprehend and realize the importance of my existence, and be thankful that I was given a chance over maybe numerous others to............exist!!!